Although it’s been awhile since I’ve been on a first date, some of them stand out in my mind as classic what-not-to-do’s. First dates can be nerve-wracking and awkward until you get to know your date a little better, but a few things are just common sense, like dressing nicely and offering to pay. Maybe that sounds old-fashioned but I think it still works best for the man to pay for the first date. Actually, most men I’ve met didn’t feel comfortable letting the woman pay ever, but some I knew were struggling financially and so I paid at least half the time.

It’s good to have a plan too, rather than just say to her, “So where do you wanna go?” Although you could inquire ahead of time what kind of food she likes, assuming you’re taking her to a restaurant. People seem to like movies on first dates although unless you have a drink or coffee or dinner afterwards, you’re not really spending time getting to know the person. It seems like most of my first dates were dinner or coffee dates, so the following list, geared towards men, mainly involves sitting across a table from your date.

Here is my short list of don’ts stemming from actual first date blunders I remember:

1. Don’t psychoanalyze your date. It’s fine to ask basic questions and give basic answers but one guy I went out with started sounding like a psychologist: So how did that make you feel?...
2. Don’t look like you just got off work and didn’t have time to get cleaned up. One man showed up with sawdust on his glasses, shirt, and shoes, and his fingernails were black. Ugh! Another was wearing too-short pants, hadn’t shaved, and was sweating.
3. Don’t order all-you-can-eat crab legs while your date just ordered an appetizer. Your date will have to sit there for a looong time, watching you eat and groan while you order a third refill.
4. Don’t pull out your wallet after dinner and gaze uncomfortably at its meager contents and then look at your date expectantly.
5. Don’t be late! It makes a terrible first impression and will get the whole date off on the wrong foot.
6. Don’t take or make any calls on your cell phone. Unless it’s a true emergency, it’s just plain rude.
7. Don’t talk non-stop about yourself. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Be interested! Be a good conversationalist.
8. Don’t talk about how you live with your mother, didn’t get your master’s degree because the professors were so full of shit, and that you hate your job. Hmm. So which part of this story are you trying to attract me with?
9. Don’t have more than two drinks. She will wonder if you’re an alcoholic and if you’re okay to drive. Plus she wants to know what you’re like sober, not drunk.
10. Don’t leave a lousy tip or be rude to the server. If she’s ever been a server in her life, and lots of people have, this will make her uncomfortable and probably guarantee that the first date is also the last.
11. Don’t order Buffalo wings or ribs. Your date doesn’t want to watch you lick your fingers and wipe your mouth every few seconds just yet. Wait at least until the third or fourth date before ordering risky food.